Top Reason Why There Is No God (And If There Is, He Has A Seriously Wacked Sense Of Humour)

This is a story I've been telling to a few people which I think is probably worth you mighty folks.

I was on a bus the other day going home from school, and this grossly obese guy steps on. I mean huge. The bus tilted when he stepped on. I'm surprised the tires didn't pop. There must have been a bend where he was sitting, like in my skillful drawing below.

... I'm sure you get the picture.

He had all this stuff with him; what looked like four sleeping bags and a baby stroller. Anyway, first he's reaching up to put all these things in various spots, and as he does, his pants begin to fall down. I'm not talking your average 'plumber butt-crack'. I'm talking the whole deal. The entire thing. All of it, right down to the top of his thighs.

So, the bus takes off suddenly, and all these small, lego-like items fall out of the slightly questionable sleeping bags and spill onto the floor. Being the practical man he must have been, he took the obvious action and begun bending over to pick them up.

The entire bus is forced to bear witness to the vision before us. Nobody could look away. The infant in the chair close to him begins wailing, while it's poor mother, at least a metre away from the mans bum, tries desperately to hush it. After an excruciating period of time, he turns around to pick up some more of the odd things up, baring this titanic arse out the front of the bus. You could see the priceless expressions on peoples faces as they drove around the corner to see this massive bottom waving out the front window.

In the aftermath on this historic event, I have only one thing to say:

He must have known.

...Right?

Alfredo, Nino, and Blue Hair.

Today, while I was hanging out with a friend at a park, I saw these guys walk by.

They are, if you hadnt guessed, the performers of my two favourite acts in a circus I had just been to a few days before. (They were wearing different clothes, obviously, as they walked through the park). Of course, there were a few moments when I wondered what to do. Should I go say hello? I really wanted to, but what if I made a bad impression? What if they didnt want to talk? What if, what if...et cetera. My nerves stopped me from going over, and I missed my oppurtunity. I beat myself up for not being more couragous.

Thirty minutes or so later, however, they walked back, and I ran over and asked them if they were the performers in the circus. They said they were, smiling. I told them they did a really good job, and Alfredo (red hair) replied in a deep Russian accent (that I had originally passed off as fake) that he was pleased that I thought so. We had a bit of a chat, involving me admitting to Nino (guy in pink) that it was my father that he'd forced to play imaginary drums on stage, with Nino laughing and replying that my father should join the circus, too.

When they went, we shook hands, and I told them to keep up the good work, and walked away with a huge buzzing in my heart and head I couldnt stop smiling. This started a whole train of thoughts which lead to this one, simple conclusion;

I'm going to dye my hair blue.

I'm sick of not doing something that I want to do because I'm unsure of what people will think. Imagine if I hadn't had the guts to go say hello to Alfredo and Nino? I would have missed out on an experience that I think I'll remember for a long time. I want to have the courage to be myself, to do what I want to do (as long as nobody gets hurt) without giving a damn.

I'm not being self concious on stage, I'm wearing what I want into the city, I'm talking to strangers and I'm dying my goddamn hair blue.

In my final year of school, it may be my last chance.